Safe Communication (Part One)

The Breakdown in Communication

Being a Professional Relationship Counsellor and practicing over 5 Years I have dealt with many cases over this time. Myself being married for almost four Years I understand and apply safe communication within my own Marriage Relationship. We need to understand that communication is at the centre of our existence and something we cannot do without. We as people communicate on a constant basis whether it be on social media, email, texting, telephone calls, Skype or face-to-face communication we are created to communicate.

In our relationships, we use all these forms of communication. We use telephone calls, email, WhatsApp, SMS, Skype, Facebook and many more ways to keep in touch and have regular and frequent communication. Technology in our day and age can be used to our advantage and it can be a good tool to have but there also is a downside. The DOWN SIDE is as follows and this I deal with in my practice on a daily basis.
THE DOWN SIDE TO ALTERNATIVE COMMUNIATION: Most of us have become so dependent on alternative ways to communicate with our partners that when communication breaks down we do not have the skills to communicate face to face. So what happens is the issue doesn’t get resolved and we then the next morning email or text each other about how we feel. Trying to resolve issues over email is not all bad. It is a good platform to express yourself but we have to be able to resolve conflict face-to-face!!! So we say sorry over the email and we get back home and everything is fine!! Where is the face-to-face acknowledgement that I was wrong and saying sorry???

Couples need to learn to solve issues there and then. So the couple who is unable to solve the communication breakdown and the next morning try and make up for last night’s fight is slowly but surely creating unhealthy communication structures. This same couple had to sleep next to each other the previous night right?? Or on the couch?? Whose turn is it tonight so sleep on the couch or spare bedroom?? This happens in many relationships and we need to understand that there is better ways to have safe communication.

Why are couples unable to have safe and healthy communication when communication breaks down? Here are some reasons why couples turn to alternative communication…

• We don’t know how to handle each other
• We cannot control their emotions
• We are not capable of saying sorry
• We are both stubborn
• We do not know how to heal the emotional hurt
• We do not know how to solve the problems in our relationship
• It is easier to say sorry over email than face-to-face
• It is easier to express my feelings over email than face-to-face
• It is easier to avoid conflict than to resolve conflict