Intimacy is an important aspect in the lives of people, Intimacy is vital in maintaining a
healthy social life. People like to form meaningful and reciprocated relationships others
whether they be romantic , family or friends. Although there are different types and levels
of intimacy, we will be talking about sexual intimacy which is an essential aspect of
romantic relationships.
While the word intimacy can be associated with sex for many ,it can encompass much more
than that .Erikson described intimate relationships as one characterised by closeness,
honesty and love. Romantic and sexual relationships form part of an adult’s life and sex
being a life-affirming act and most intimate thing you can do with someone; many may find
that talking about it can be much harder than the act itself. Justin Lehmiller an academic
specialising in sexual health and relationships expert said “You are much more vulnerable
talking about sex than doing it”.
Talking about Sexual Intimacy can be hard
Although from behaviour ,billboards and advertising suggestions of sex and sexuality filter
into our lives, our vocabulary for sex does not always translate seamlessly into comfortable
conversations. However opening up to your partner about your likes and dislikes can only be
to your benefit .By sharing your likes, dislikes and expectations you can help in pleasing each
other, and communication and willingness to have continuous conversation about your
sexual relationship even during sex is an important skill.
Often times bad communication about sexual intimacy can be a sign of bad communication
in the overall relationship, and avoiding such conversations because you find them awkward
can often times lead to an end of your relation as opposed to growth and sexual intimacy.
The continuous communication on sexual intimacy should not be limited to pleasing each
other, but it should also include sexual health, how frequently you would like to have sex,
exploring new forms of sexual intimacy and talking about hoe to deal with differences in
what we and our partners enjoy. Talking about sexual intimacy can help one to learn more
about their partner , and can form the basis of building a foundation for a better
relationship.
Here are a few tips on starting a productive conversation on sexual intimacy:
Do not surprise your partner by talking about sexual intimacy
Picking a neutral place to discuss such a sensitive topic can be beneficial. Sexual intimacy is not merely about the act , it is the
communication and foreplay so it is important to set the scene .Perhaps plan a date night
where you have wine and food and tell you partner ahead of time that you would like to talk
about strengthening your sexual intimacy.
Use tact
Tact when discussing a topic many can often find awkward is important, therefore
making suggestions rather than complains is always the best policy. Giving reassurance by
commenting on the positive aspects of your sex life can often form a good basis for making
suggestions, for example saying “I love when we laugh in bed together and then suggesting
what you like for example to say “ I would like more communication during sex can go over
better with your partner. It is important to also open the conversation to your partners
viewpoint to your suggestion.
Communicate early about sexual intimacy
Communicate early on in the relationship about sexual intimacy, often times couples will
say that they had amazing sex early on in their relations and it deteriorated along the way. It
is important not to avoid the conversation of sexual intimacy and the earlier you have the
conversation the better. The longer you hold off having such conversations with your
partner the hard it will be to have them.
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